The Art Of 'Letting Go'
Some time has passed since the last article and this was because sometimes it requires silence and time for assimilation rather than expression.
In this article I want to discuss something that it concerns me and a lot of people, it's the 'letting go' of something. This may be an idea, a situation, a job, a dream, a person, a relationship, a habit etc.
I believe that everything that we 'hold on' start from an interest, a bit of curiosity for something that moves us and interests us. Let's not forget that we are primarily made up of energy that is either spent, either stored in our system. If we follow this interest and get the information or experience that we want from it, then we create what the corresponding therapy says, a gestalt, a comprehensive total that is more than just the sum of its parts.
So, having experienced this whole for something specific, we can go on to the next interest. These interests could be whatever we do in our lives be something very complex to something very simple.
Imagine, in other words, while we brush our teeth at the same time to attempt to cook, try to dress up and talk on the phone. We would probably feel frustrated and dissatisfied that maybe we did not do any of the tasks with the competence and pleasure that we would have liked because we were trying to squeeze them all in at the same time.
The completion, that is, of any act, energy etc that we do with relative sufficiency, brings satisfaction and pleasure.
There are things we cling onto intensely or for a long time e.g. a job, a relationship, a goal. Over time (as much or as little) we may forget or lose our attention from the reason why we were initially interested in that particular thing. This reason (or reasons) is more related to us and less to the thing itself. It Is our gestalt that, of course, concerns something external but its home is within us.
If, therefore, the external circumstances, information, and responses that are being received change, can our original interest change? For some things, maybe so, for others, it maybe not. If, for example, we just got our first job as a lawyer and the company we work for doesn't appreciate us, then it doesn't mean that the law profession doesn't suit us but maybe we either have to ask for changes in our working terms and conditions or change company.
The principle is the same for any area we are concerned with, of relationships, work, goals, etc.
Each one of us is unique in the world and it has his own value and shines on her own, whether we recognise it or not, whether it is recognised by others or not.
This glow looks like a spotlight when we show who we are,what we want, what's important to us. We cannot control whether the others recognise it, but we can control whether we recognise it.
If we do not recognise it then we will remain in jobs and situations that will not appreciate us for whatever reason, in relationships that will ask us to change (or we will ask the other to change), in projects that we will never be enough to fulfil.
Our individual value and preciousness is not relative depending on the environment. This is the external view of the preciousness through the eyes of someone else who will always be relative. Here I'm talking about the worthiness and preciousness of someone's existence.
The process of 'letting go' is a complex and painful process, as we must opt out or transform something that has been of interest and of value to us. We often get prematurely disconnected from people and situations because it feels almost impossible for us to enter a vulnerable position and say how we feel, what we think and what we want as responsible adults (not so much for the other but to ourselves because it shows who we are recognising ourselves the rights to ask for what we want from our environment – and maybe we get it or maybe not).
If we have not tried enough to achieve healthy interdependence or understand enough about what we are attached to and why we want to 'let go', then attempts at detachment will be unsuccessful and will bring more pain.
If, for example, we remain in the job that we do not feel appreciated, after we have expressed what we want, waiting to be appreciated and feeling angry when it is not done, then we suffer in utopia waiting for something to change in the other, while essentially we need to change how we look and behave towards ourselves. On the way to adulthood we often transfer the responsibility to the other for the things we do not do for ourselves.
Along with the pain of loss (real or mental separation from a part of ourselves), when 'letting go' is done consciously and from the heart, is essentially based on the longing for freedom, on the choice towards a healthier relationship with oneself and with others and on the acknowledgement of his preciousness.
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