Dear reader,
Just as life does not stop during the Christmas celebrations but they are a special part of it, so in this text I want to talk about a human characteristic as part of human nature, what it is and weakness (the same coin with its two sides). I have discussed in previous texts how depending on the identity that each person adopts, he projects onto the other or in other groups- consciously or unconsciously- those elements of oneself that he considers not to fit with the specific identity. Thus, a man who considers himself noble and meek will not swear easily or be abrupt to someone else and will be particularly annoyed with someone else for doing so, especially towards him. This is regarding a person's persona, the image of oneself. If we accept that the universe manifest itself as binary, - that is to say that everything exists together and in relation to its opposite,- then we understand that we all have everything to a larger or lesser degree or as potentiality. Thus, if someone believes that they have only one characteristic over its opposite, then they deny the existence and, more importantly, the relationship that they have with its opposite, which, projecting it onto others, they reject it as 'cheap', of lower value, less etc. Of course this leaves the person and his peers in a advantageous position, that of power, more value than others and supremacy. Our entire economic system is based on this principle, there are better and worse quality goods. The same principle to a lesser or greater extent we have applied this in people and how we evaluate others. In nature, however, there are no greater or lesser value goods. An apple, wherever it grows and regardless of its shape and colour, is as beautiful, complete and of the same value as any other despite our personal view of it. It may be different in its qualities, sour/sweet, large/small, green/red, but its value is the same (unless we are talking about genetically modified ones and of nutritional value which is a subcategory of the general concept of value). Therefore, the mass application of the principle of value to people as an absolute criterion seems problematic because it does not describe the qualities of a person, the character, the experiences and ultimately her essence. Clearly people have preferences, things that attract us more than others, and these are essentially part of our manifestation, but here I am talking mainly about-conscious or unconscious-the evaluation of others as better or worse. In particular, western societies have been based on this premise and anything that does not actively encompass power, they treat it as 'less'. Concepts such as solidarity, illness, weakness, internal quest have been linked to feelings (response of value) with pity and mercy and it is imperative is to avoid them almost at any cost. They thus create an additional, man-made assessment (morbidity) for how one should be and he should not. When a man, however, identifies only as strong, which requires him to do certain things, then not only does he ask his companion to take the other role, the weak one, but he also deprives himself of experiencing the whole spectrum of possible experiences e.g. to get help, to be left in the support of the other, to allow himself to make, recognize, own and correct 'mistakes' etc. Of course, the same applies to people who identify as powerless, expecting someone else to take care of them, to save them, to support them etc, and also depriving themselves of the ability to own their power and creatively use it their lives to evolve. The environment in which one grows, in the same way that nature and climate produce certain goods, have a decisive influence on the structure and character of the person, taking care or not the qualities that it carries as the soul as well as creating the ground for its life lessons. For example, a baby/child who has not been systematically cared for and loved by their parents (or guardians) then he will have created an internal image of an unsafe world and, therefore, as an adult he may not easily trust other people in his relationships etc. I have seen people who have had abusive or not very supportive childhood experiences to thrive in their lives as adults in and also others with similar experiences not being able to escape the character and feelings that were created from similar experiences. Similarly, I have seen people in nurturing environments unable to connect with other people's experiences beyond their own, rejecting them as an unknown territory. The position of strength or weakness of a person at any given point in time does not explain where this man comes from, what he has experienced or what he experiences now, how he has or has not tried to become who he is or can be in his entirety. Any of these positions can certainly be indications or implications of other things. Every moment we can feel strong in something and weak in something else. We all have the potential for everything regardless of whether we acknowledge it or not. The judgement, then, of one or the other position as better or worse or right or wrong, besides socially constructed, it probably says more about the person who is making it, than the person who receives it. Feeling strong or weak are just states like any other; how one experiences and responds to them is a personal matter in a personal 'history' and course of life and lessons in a world where everyone can potentially interact and have something to learn from another. With Love, Panos
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Panos GoumalatsosCounsellor/Psychotherapist, Archives
May 2020
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