Working with people in one to one therapy, in this sacred, deep and intimate space we inevitably encounter one's own whole being. That includes an exploration of the present situation and its roots to the past, namely the past that still lives within, and if unconscious and unprocessed, it still reenacts itself in present relationships, work situations, activation of potentiality and other areas.
Thus, inevitably, one comes across some painful moments that has experienced and arrive into some difficult realisations about the environment one grew up in, if it was attentive, understanding, nurturing to one's qualities and interests, loving, caring, compassionate, forgiving, stimulating, hurtful, abusive, neglecting and much more. Based on these experiences one would form feelings towards the primary care givers, family members, siblings and subsequently would form beliefs for oneself and the mould of how the world is and works. Based on those feelings and beliefs for ourselves, others and the world, we drive and continue living our 'adult' life.
If there were many painful situations then we form patterns of behaviour that keeps us safe, we fear to try anything new and form relationships, we feel less and not enough, we feel hate and shame towards ourselves, just to name a few. If we had mainly positive experiences that we have to anything to maintain the status, we can not fail, can not break up, can not feel unwell or low and many others.
Regardless if these early experiences are positive and/or negative, nurturing and/or abusive, they form part of our programming. We feel we are this person who does x and z, who likes and dislikes the a and b, who has these strengths and that weaknesses, who can and can not do certain things. This is the Limiting Narrative, the collection, the books upon books of all the things we are and are not, who form our sense of self, our identity, our face and 'body' shown to the world. The more attached we are to this Narrative the more we make choices and decisions that will evoke results that will enforce that Narrative. If I feel I did not get much love from my parents, they did not understand me or they favoured one of my siblings, then I will probably get a sense of self that is not worth to be understood and loved and it is less worth than others. Consequently, I will feel that no one values me enough to be with me or understands me or that I am enough for that person or that I deserve to get that job even though many other people have applied for it. The cycle repeats itself and we are trapped within that Narrative of our identity of who we are and what kind of lives we are living.
As we progress with our lives we sometimes naturally do things that we would be terrified of doing in the past, like going to interviews, try a new hobby, talk to strangers, flirt that cute person at the opposite table and yet at these moments we break that identity, that closed circle of all the things we have been telling ourselves that we can and can not do; at these moments (and hopefully the ones following these) we form a 'new' identity which can resemble more, little or not at all of the previous one.
At these moments we are starting getting a glimpse or start developing our Creative Narrative. At these moments we get in contact with something deep inside that tell us that 'there is a bigger me' and later 'a bigger me' and another 'bigger me' and how big is big can be limitless. De-attaching from the previous identity can be a painful experience as in order to break that previously complete circle one has to experience pain and maybe after pain comes the unknown where we do not know exactly how we are going to take the next step, what is going to look like, it can be scary and disorientating but deep inside we know that we want to take that step and follow that bigger sense of self.
Having a Narrative as human beings at some level is part of our nature, it keeps as human, within a story from our past which can be extended to many past lives we can make sense of some of our experiences and put them within a context. I am sure you have heard people referring to themselves a few years back that what they did was part of another life and yet it was within the same lifetime as we call it.
Following the Creative Narrative we can consciously create a flexible framework, almost a flexible self that keeps exploring itself all the time, keeps trying and failing, keeps being curious about its core and existence, keeps enjoying the pain that comes with the excitement and discovery. Yes, there might be specific lessons that we came to experience and learn in this lifetime but there will not be any lessons, any growth, any expansion if we are hanging on and tightly attached onto our Limiting Narrative, our programming, the way that some people once thought we were, the way that we once believed we were (and maybe for good reasons if we were to survive abusive environments).
Change is an inevitable component of life; everything is in constant change and if we might not wish to do anything different, sooner or later life will challenge us to try something new and then we have got a choice of which Narrative we are going to follow or create.
Every moment is a subtle invitation to the Creative Narrative and from a humble, painful and joyful place I invite you now to create your own next story about yourselves, your next circle that will break for the bigger, infinite 'You' to appear.